


It Won't Be Long

by star_named_andy



Series: 1972 [2]
Category: The Hobbit (1977), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: 1970s, 70s, 70s lingo, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Barduil - Freeform, Flirting, Galadriel - Freeform, Gandalf - Freeform, M/M, Modernish, bagginshield, beorn - Freeform, elrond - Freeform, hippie!Thranduil, hotdaddyforeigner!Bard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 02:52:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3793939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_named_andy/pseuds/star_named_andy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why don’t you join us, Thranduil? Don’t you like water?” Bard teased and Thranduil blinked as if he were surprised. He then gave a subtle smile.<br/>“I don’t mind it, but the sun is nice too.”<br/>“Well I was wondering where you would place in one of our races.”<br/>“I would say first.”<br/>“Oh really? If you’re so confident you should give it a try and show us how it’s done.”<br/>“Oh really?” Thranduil rose and stood close to Bard, casting a slight shadow over Bard’s head. He flipped his locks over his shoulder and smirked. “And what if I do show you how it’s done? What do I get out of it?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Won't Be Long

**Author's Note:**

> (Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, or any of its characters or content.)

_\--- Thranduil ---_

When Thranduil left Oakenshield Manor, he didn’t encounter Bard again to his dismay. However, he thought it best since he was off kilter because of what Bilbo had said. He was only slightly offended by his implications that he would pull the old hump-and-dump with Bard, but he couldn’t be too upset because there was actually some truth to Bilbo’s words. Thranduil admitted that his romantic life was a string of one night stands, but it wasn’t as if he picked just any old lover. His lovers had to be up to his standards; attractive and likable, but not too likable to avoid attachment. He never introduced any of them to Legolas or even mentioned he had a son because he certainly wasn’t seeking commitment. He knew not everyone agreed with such a sex life, but he definitely didn’t think it was so bad.

‘If Bilbo thinks I’m such a venomous vixen, then I’ll keep my venom away. He’s just another guy. Not like it matters…oh well.’

He returned home and sat in his backyard with his guitar. He played through a few songs, rehearsing for what he was staging in his mind for tomorrow before going back to Hobbiton to pick Legolas up from school.

He sat in the line of cars waiting to pick up their kids at the school and saw the light top of Legolas’ hair bobbing in the crowd. He somehow made his way through, keeping very tight to himself. He wore brown high waisted trousers that matched the dress shirt beneath his flannel green shirt and he had several bracelets similar to the ones his father wore on his wrists. His face was very thin, but in that past year, puberty had given him a more grown up look and a few more inches in height. His hair which was nearly silver like Thranduil’s was twisted up in a bun.

Legolas tossed in his messenger bag before jumping up into the passenger seat and buckling himself in.

“Hey there. How was the last day?” Thranduil asked and Legolas shrugged.

“Just like any other day. Nothing too special.”

“No parties?”

“No.”

“I saw Bilbo today…he was asking about you. He wanted to know if you’d want to come over soon.”

“Sure, I guess.”

“Alright.”

The ride into Mirkwood was quiet per usual. Thranduil knew this was a time in a young boy’s life where privacy was required and he didn’t want to invade Legolas’ private business, but the strange silences between them had become too normal for comfort.

Legolas retreated to his bedroom and Thranduil stood in the kitchen brewing tea. He had called out to Legolas and asked if he wanted anything and he said no. No surprise there. He sat in solitude for a few minutes once the tea pot had squealed, stirring his spoon around in his ceramic cup. He had only taken a few sips before getting up and leaning in Legolas’ open bedroom doorway.

“What are you reading?” Thranduil asked softly as not to startle him. Legolas’ gaze stayed fixed on the open pages of his books.

“Summer books.” Legolas replied shortly.

“Already?”

“If I do it all now I’ll have the whole rest of summer to relax.”

“That’s true…you sure you don’t need a snack or a drink?”

“Not right now. Thanks.”

“So, what book is that you’re reading now?”

“It’s Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.”

“Cool, cool…well let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay.”

“Legolas,”

“Mmhm?”

“You know you can have friends over any time if you want. Now that you have the summer off you should take the time to hang out with them a little more.”

“Mm.”

“How’s Tauriel doing?”

“She’s good.”

“Is she still dating that nephew of Thorin’s?”

“Yeah. She’s going camping with his family for a while. A lot of people are going away on vacation.”

“They won’t be gone all summer will they?”

“I don’t know.”

“…Well maybe we can take a road trip somewhere new this summer.”

No reply.

“We’ll have to visit Bilbo soon.” Thranduil went on. “He has a friend hanging at his pad for a while and he has a few kids your age. They might be going to your school next year…he thought maybe you could hang and whatever. ”

“Sure.” Legolas nodded.

As Thranduil returned to the kitchen he gave a defeated sigh as he plopped in his chair. This weird thing he and Legolas had going on could _not_ go on any longer. He was tired of not knowing what to say and Legolas never saying much of anything. Just two years ago Legolas loved to be around Thranduil, even if they were doing separate activities in the same room. As long as they were together Legolas had been happy and it was the same for Thranduil.

‘Getting him out of the house might loosen him up a little…we’ve got the whole summer ahead.’

 

The next day, Thranduil’s spirits had been lifted and his thoughts mixed up. He had tried to cast Bard from his mind after the conversation he had with Bilbo, but then during his innovative demonstration outside of the Erebor Company building, Bard appeared very unexpectedly. Thranduil thought he was maybe being approached by a heckler or a police officer, but instead he was greeted by the warm, welcoming face that was Bard.

Today Bard wore a cleaner cut outfit - a grey pant suit - but his hair was still wild which Thranduil liked more and more.

“Hello.” Bard greeted and Thranduil shifted on his stool.

“Hello.” He smiled back.

“I don’t know if you remember meeting me the other day-”

“Bard,” Thranduil said quickly with a nod. “Yeah, of course. How could I forget?”

“Did I catch the tail end of your performance?” Bard asked referring to Thranduil’s singing and playing John Lennon’s “Give Peace a Chance” on guitar.

“Oh no, I’ve got more tricks up my sleeve yet.” Thranduil smirked. Bard peered past him, eyeing the signs with doves, peace signs and phrases like “MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR” painted on them.

“This is quite the set up you’ve got here. I actually heard you from across the street at the barber and thought I’d come say hello.”

“You seem to be the only one hearing me today.” Thranduil said shaking his head. The way things were going, it sure seemed that way. Everyone that passed him ignored him and averted their eyes or scowled at him with disapproval; in other words, no progress was being made and he was set up outside Erebor with all of his signs, his guitar, microphones and amp alone with absolutely no support.

“I noticed. It’s such a shame, I…your voice is wonderful. I think it’s because of the message you’re trying to give, but you would sound brilliant singing anything I’m sure.” Bard said sinking his hands into his pockets and bearing his radiant smile.

‘ _God_ you make this difficult.’ Thranduil thought, smitten by his – well, his everything.

“I dabble in music myself from time to time.” Bard continued and Thranduil was internally smacking himself in the face for being wrapped up in how perfect this guy seemed.

“It only seems right that you would because of your name.” Thranduil said.

‘Again with the name thing… _really_? You’re acting like you’ve never flirted before.’ Thranduil thought.

“Can you tell me a little bit about all this?” Bard asked, waving his hand over the display before him. Thranduil nodded promptly.

“Gladly. This is my way of trying to get Erebor president Thorin Oakenshield on the side of peace to stop the war in Vietnam so we can bring our troops home.” Thranduil spoke into the microphone, causing a few heads to turn.

“Yo, Thranduil!” a voice called. Thranduil and Bard both looked to see two people more similar to Thranduil’s kind approaching: Elrond and Galadriel. Elrond’s smooth brunette hair laid over his shoulders and he wore a long tribal patterned tunic under his brown leather fringed vest, bellbottom pants, sandals, and a bandana around his forehead. Galadriel, whose white-blonde dreadlocks swayed against her hip as she moved, adorned a long flowing white dress, gem encrusted rings and bracelets, toe rings, anklets, sandals and a floral headband.

“Hey.” Thranduil responded and Galadriel pulled a daisy from the wicker basket she carried in the crook of her arm.

“We could hear your beautiful voice a few blocks away. We wanted to make sure we caught you before you took off.” Galadriel spoke in a low, soothing voice and tucked a daisy gingerly behind his ear. As she saw Bard there, she smiled and pulled out another daisy. “Hey there. Here, for you.” She held out the flower and Bard took it between his fingers with a gracious smile.

“Thank you.”

“Bard, these are my friends Elrond and Galadriel. Elrond, Galadriel, this is my friend Bard.” Thranduil introduced and Elrond shook Bard’s hand.

“Hey man. What’s crackin’?” Elrond said and Bard paused.

“Crackin’?” he questioned.

“Take it easy on the lingo. He’s new to the states.” Thranduil cut in.

“Far out. Where are you from?” Galadriel asked.

“Laketown, England.”

“So far away! Wow, this must be taxing on your energy. “

“It’s been a little exhausting so far, but I’m only two days in. I think I’m doing alright.” Bard flashed a grin and Galadriel laughed softly.

“What a nice aura you have; such good vibes.”

“You better hang onto those good vibes; times are hard here because of the war Saruman and his slimy v.p. Wormtongue have got us stuck in. This is America, home of the free, and free by Congress’ definition means being content with their bullshit and keeping quiet. As long as you do that, you have all the comfort you could want.” Elrond spoke.

“Don’t bring down the mood, Elrond.” Galadriel reprimanded and he shrugged.

“Just telling it like it is, you know? If only Gandalf and Beorn were in office! They would make things right around here. Saruman better not win the next election.”

“We can only hope and vote.” Galadriel said.

“THRANDUIL!” a voice boomed from across the street and they each looked to see a small girl jumping up and down and waving her arms wildly to get Thranduil’s attention. Thranduil waved back to her.

“It looks like you’ve got a fan, Thranduil.” Galadriel laughed and Elrond cocked a brow.

“And a loud one at that.”

“That she is. That’s my Tilda.” Bard said smiling bashfully with pride. “She told me she met you, Thranduil. She wouldn’t stop going on about your hair.”

“Is that so?” Thranduil mused with a smile curling on his lips.

“Well, yes of course! It’s so shiny and…well, I ought to be going. It seems she and the others are waiting for me.” Bard said rubbing the back of his neck. “It was a pleasure to meet you both, and a pleasure seeing you again Thranduil.”

“See you around, man.” Elrond said and as Bard turned away to cross back to the other side of the street, Thranduil felt his stomach jump.

“Bard,” he called loudly and Bard spun back around. “I’ll see you soon.” He said resolutely. Bard gave a nod, his signature smile, and then carefully made his way back over to the barber’s. He took a collection of bags from each of them and he, Tilda, Bilbo, and two other children Thranduil assumed were Bard’s waved from across the street. Thranduil watched them saunter off until they disappeared into the crowd. His distraction was broken by Elrond snorting.

“What?” Thranduil asked and he and Galadriel both looked rather amused.

“Oh Thranduil, he’s _beautiful_.” Galadriel spoke and Thranduil blinked.

“Yeah, I mean…he’s good looking.”

“And he has children. Three, by the looks of it.”

“Yeah, and?”

“And…he seems nice.”

“What are you getting at?” Thranduil asked with scrutiny in his eyes.

“I just get a good, genuine feel from him.”

“I think what she means is she doesn’t want you tossing this one to the curb.” Elrond added and Thranduil furrowed his brows.

“I don’t – I didn’t – _urgh_. I never said anything about pursuing him. He’s just another guy. No big deal. I can find a good looking guy anywhere.”

“You say that, but if he were any old regular dude, you would be flirting away shamelessly.” Elrond said and Galadriel nodded.

“You _are_ pretty bold.” She agreed.

“ _Ohhh_ maybe this one is serious!” Elrond exclaimed.  “That must be what it is, otherwise you’d be making your trademark move. You _really_ like him. You want to impress him!”

“Oh, come on! I never said or hinted at anything like that. And what do you mean my _trademark move_?” Thranduil asked and Galadriel stifled a laugh as Elrond placed his hands on his hips, let his head bob a little and gave a hideous, arrogant grin. Thranduil’s mouth dropped open. “I _do not_ do that!” he exclaimed.

“I’m just messin’ with you!...A little.”

“Don’t be afraid of genuine connection, Thranduil.” Galadriel coaxed and Thranduil waved his hand.

“You know I’m _trying_ to do a demonstration. You can either buzz off or do me a solid and help out.”

“We’ll help out, Thranduil.” Elrond said picking up a sign to hold and Galadriel stood by the microphone to join Thranduil in the next song. He went on with what he planned through his irritation at Elrond and Galadriel’s assumptions until Erebor security forced them away.

 

_\--- Bard ---_

Bard let a soft groan float into his pillow the next morning. In his sleep, he had a blissful dream in which he was simply laying in the comfort of deep grass. The blue sky was tainted by the immense yellow glow of the sun and his skin was warmed by its perfect heat. It was a place he had never been to, a place he had never seen in pictures, but it was a place he had dreamt of since he was a child. He didn’t know what to call it other than a utopia. Each time his sleep brought him to this place, he was completely alone and at ease. The grassy utopia smelled of every flower he had ever smelled working in harmony to create one euphoric scent. He felt nothing but simple contentment and no thoughts clouded his mind every time he visited.

He still felt fatigued from yesterday’s outing into the city as the dream fell away. They had walked around for hours with Bilbo insisting he buy them all whatever their hearts desired. Bard and the children had returned to Oakenshield Manor with new wardrobes, accessories and haircuts, and Bilbo had picked up a few things for himself and for Thorin. The children were overjoyed by the possession of their new purchases and spilled out words of gratitude to Bilbo for the rest of the day. They had been eager to put away all of their clothes and Tilda and Sigrid played with their freshly styled hair for what seemed like hours; Tilda had her hair cut shoulder length and flipped up on the ends and Sigrid’s hair had been fluffed, feathered, and given bangs (Bain and Bilbo only had a trim).

Given the events of the shopping trip Bilbo dragged them on, Bard assumed everyone else would still be tired, but that was not the case. Bain, Sigrid, Tilda and Bilbo had roused early and came to wake him. They all stood around his bed in their bathing suits and begged him to go swimming. Once he was able to sit up, he argued that he wanted to go back into Hobbiton looking for job openings, but Bilbo wouldn’t hear of it until Bard took a swim.

Bard raced the kids downstairs in their bathing suits and flip flops with Bilbo shuffling after them, shouting warnings at them to be careful. Bain was the first to reach the back yard, throw his towel onto one of the pool side chairs, and leap into the sparkling water. Bard leapt in after him and his skin instantly tingled in cool, blissful refreshment. Bilbo took his time setting up the folded towels and he and Tilda slipped into turtle shaped tubes they picked out the day prior. Sigrid hesitantly kept dipping her toes in the water and even after Bilbo and Tilda settled themselves in, she was still pacing around the edge of the pool. Bard took matters, or more specifically Sigrid, into his own hands and tossed her in.

A series of races ensued and Bilbo ended up as the nominated referee. Bain won the most races, swimming the fastest from one end of the pool to the other. Bard had beaten him a few turns, but now he was getting tired after pushing Tilda in her tube to propel her forward. They were waiting for Bilbo to give the countdown to begin the next race, but the countdown never came as Bilbo rose out of the pool. Bard turned his eyes toward in the direction of the sun that beamed down at them, seeing two blurred figures enter the backyard. He saw the unmistakable sheen of golden hair and knew that it had to be Thranduil.

Thranduil – the near stranger with a deep charming voice who smelled of sage and moonlight who he met on pure accident. No matter how wary Thranduil made Bard, Bard couldn’t help but feel attracted to him. He wanted to talk to him, get to know him, be his friend and learn about his life and his dreams – he was an emblem of this mysterious hippie culture that he knew nothing about, and he craved to know it all.

The entity that was Thranduil honestly seemed so interesting, but Bard was extremely thrown off by the attraction all together. After finding his wife, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He had never desired for anything more than her; many people did not believe that Bard never eyed another woman or man, but Bard was loyal to only her. After she passed away, he hadn’t wished for anything or anyone but her. _Before_ he met her, however, there had been a few times were he found himself admiring other young men. Thranduil, this weird, intriguing man, had been the first man, the first _person_ Bard had been attracted to in a very long time and it was exhilarating and it was all very terrifying at the same time. To say the least, it was unsettling and Bard had no idea what to do about it.

Bilbo waved the two guests closer to the pool and Bard’s assumptions were correct; it was Thranduil, dressed in a puffy light pink shirt and capris and with him was a young lean boy who looked very much like him in a long brown tunic with beads around the collar and swim shorts. Their blonde hair hung free on their shoulders, their skin looked truly creamy and flawless and their eyes under the sun’s light were absolutely piercing.

‘Bilbo must have invited them for a swim…I feel a bit too naked to be encountering Thranduil right now.’ Bard thought stroking the back of his neck nervously, but he smiled through the anxiousness. Thranduil looked absolutely radiant.

“Bowmans!” Bilbo announced as he trotted back over with his towel around his waist. “For those of you who haven’t met one another, these are some dear friends of mine, Thranduil and Legolas Oropherion. Oropherions, this is Bard, Bain, Sigrid and Tilda Bowman.”

“Hi.” Legolas said very quietly and sweetly with a bow of his head. He stripped out of his tunic, left his bag with the chairs and lowered himself into the pool with the use of the ladder. As he swam over to the Bowmans, Thranduil approached the side of the pool and waved Tilda over. She kicked over and her face brightened as he slipped a bracelet on her wrist; it was made of red and blue beads and pink stones. He then situated himself comfortably in a chair next to Bilbo and Tilda paddled back over to the starting point of the race.

“Hey! You wanna race with us?” Bain said to Legolas.

“Sure, I’ll give it a try.” Legolas answered.

“Cool! I’ll warn you, I’ve been beating these guys pretty bad.”

“Hey! Don’t forget I bested you a couple times.” Bard corrected.

“A _couple_ times, but you’ve been huffin’ and puffin’ for the last few minutes old man!”

“Hey now!” Bard grinned. “Come on girls, Legolas - let’s give him a run for his money! Ready Tilda?”

“Ready da!” she cheered and started to kick her legs.

“Let’s get ‘em!”

 

Bain was surprised when Legolas beat him in each race, but he was more so impressed than anything. Legolas suggested they try out the slide and the children sprang from the pool in excitement at the idea. Bard too lifted himself out of the pool to partake – maybe taking the time to relax in the pool wasn’t such a bad idea after all; he was having a lot of fun carelessly splashing around. They all took turns going down the slide and plopping back into the water.

Bard caught Thranduil enjoying himself, laughing deeply at their merriment from a safe and dry distance. The lanky blonde sprawled over his chair was also enjoying more than just that; every time Bard climbed out of the pool and ran to the slide with his wet swim shorts dripping and clinging to his hips, he could feel Thranduil eyeing him intently.

‘This is so embarrassing...he _must_ like guys if he’s…well, I _think_ he’s…of course he is! It’s too obvious and here he is getting to watch me parade around half naked! That’s hardly fair.’ Bard thought, and then he had a devilish idea. As he rounded the pool’s frame again to approach the slide, he stopped in front of Thranduil’s chair. The blonde’s ice blue eyes took their time as they traveled up to Bard’s gaze.

“Why don’t you join us, Thranduil? Don’t you like water?” Bard teased and Thranduil blinked as if he were surprised. He then gave a subtle smile.

“I don’t mind it, but the sun is nice too.”

“Well I was wondering where you would place in one of our races.”

“I would say first.”

“Oh really? If you’re so confident you should give it a try and show us how it’s done.”

“ _Oh really_?” Thranduil rose and stood close to Bard, casting a slight shadow over Bard’s head. He flipped his locks over his shoulder and smirked. “And what if I _do_ show you how it’s done? What do I get out of it?”

“A good cooling off!”

Bard wrapped his arms around Thranduil, pulled him tight into his wet chest and with a loud gasp, Thranduil was pulled over the edge and into the pool. Bilbo jumped from his chair in shock and the children spun around with quiet gasps and stifled laughs. As Thranduil’s head popped out of the water’s wavering surface, he parted the wet curtain of hair that fell over his face to glare at Bard. Everyone but Bard, who was feeling very sneaky and amused, was waiting with baited breath in anticipation of Thranduil unleashing some kind of anger, but instead he amazed them all with a smirk.

“You’re on.”

And thus, Bard successfully trapped Thranduil into partaking in their games. He won every race effortlessly and mercilessly glided into victory each round. He didn’t go easy on the kids; instead, he showed them better techniques than just flopping around frantically. He advised them to relax, point the toes, and kick using the power of the hips. Of course there were no instant dramatic results once the children tried out his advice, but he assured them that with time and practice the tips he gave would improve their skills vastly.

After belly flopping and canon-balling from the diving board, the Bowman children were amazed by Legolas and Thranduil’s tricks and graceful dives. The Oropherions, at the Bowmans’ requests (demands), tried to teach them how to safely do flips and dive with Bilbo shouting at them to be careful. Sigrid was the best at executing the dive properly and Bard had been the best at the flip. For the remainder of their time wrinkling in the pool, the kids jetted around, played Marco-Polo and did underwater hand stands with Legolas’ experienced guidance.

When Tilda declared that she was hungry, the rest of them had a sudden stirring hunger also. The kids clambered from the pool and dried themselves down with the towels Bilbo handed off as quickly as they could, driven by their grumbling bellies.

Bard and Thranduil were more at ease and took their time getting out and drying off in the sun – it was then that Bard noticed again Thranduil’s pink cloth was sticking right tight to his chest, allowing Bard to see every carven detail of his chest and stomach. He briefly took note of this while Thranduil stood at the diving board earlier, but he shook his gaze away – there were children around, after all.

Thranduil peeled off the soaked shirt and gingerly laid it out on the pavement. He let his spine roll slowly down as he bent down and then slowly back up again until he was standing straight again. He rubbed the towel down his neck, patted his chest and then started to squeeze his hair in the damp towel.

‘Wow.’ Bard thought. He couldn’t think of any other words for the present moment unfurling in front of him, but his next thoughts were horrified as he realized his thought had actually formed into an audible word that Thranduil heard.

‘Oh GOD I’m such an _idiot_!’ Bard thought – this time only to himself. Thranduil’s pink lips formed a half smile as he peered at Bard with side eye.

“WOW its hot outside!” Bard said rather loudly and resumed drying himself with the towel. He shook his hair around and a soft laugh hummed in Thranduil’s chest.

“Oh? I feel cool after that long swim. That was the purpose of you throwing me in, right? Or was that just to see me beat you in a race?”

“Both and neither.” Bard answered. “Us having all the fun didn’t seem fair.”

“It was fun, I admit…Legolas seems to enjoy the company of your kids.”

“Seems so. I’m glad that you both came. I think that playing around with Legolas really helped them relax. Bilbo has been spoiling them like crazy since they got here, but they still miss home at night when all the fancy distractions have faded away. It was refreshing to see them so at ease.”

“Oh yeah? Glad to have helped then…Legolas can be the same way sometimes.” Thranduil started slowly. “Not because of moving from home obviously; he’s just at that age I think where…I don’t know.”

“Where you don’t know if things are going wrong or right in their lives?” Bard inquired and Thranduil nodded slowly.

“That’s a good way to put it. He’s a good kid, gets good grades, plays sports, whatever, but he’s just turned quiet in the past year and a half or so. He doesn’t have friends hang out very often. A lot of his friends were older and graduated already, but today he was…he was very free.”

“Bain had a phase like that and Sigrid has been so on and off. That age is a very inner personal one. They start to realize how big the world is and they’re trying to figure out where they fit in with it all…that’s how I felt at that age anyway. Always caught up in my own thoughts and daydreaming. All in all, I think he’ll be fine. Just remain as you are. I’ve always trusted my parenting instincts and thought ‘if something is really wrong, I’ll know’…speaking of children, where have they all gone?” Bard turned, seeing that they were the only two still occupying the back yard. He hadn’t noticed the chattering voices fade away.

“Bilbo herded them inside to change before eating. Before our private moment is broken,” Thranduil said and stood directly in front of Bard’s chair. “I would like to ask you something.”

Bard gulped, looking up at the glistening, half dried and half naked ivory body that loomed over him. The sun’s glow cast a halo over Thranduil’s head and brought even more dazzle into his eyes. He was feeling very nervous, especially in his stomach and in his fluttering heart and he couldn’t pinpoint why.

‘It’s just something about the kids. What else would it be? Maybe he wants to ask me out…no, no! If you think that and he doesn’t, then you’ll just be let down – wait, _will_ I be let down? Do I _want_ to go on a date with him? I think I do – no, I _know_ I do, but I don’t know if I’m able. A date…a _date_?! I haven’t been on a date in over twenty years! But if he does ask…maybe I should stand…’ Bard thought, but when he tried to will his legs to move he felt weak. ‘Or maybe not. ’

“Sure. What is it?” he asked, dry throated and rubbing the back of his neck.

 “I’ll be straight with you.” Thranduil began with a soft chuckle to himself. “I enjoy your company, but I’d like to enjoy it one on one like we are right now. I’m asking if you would be interested in allowing me the pleasure of treating you to a date.”

Bard stared blankly up at him for a moment.

“A date?”

“Yeah, if that’s cool with you.”

“Wow, I…well that’s…can I call you?” Bard said. He was smiling uncontrollably now and he was kicking himself for it, but Thranduil smiled back at him.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s cool.”

 

After lunch with the kids, Thranduil and Legolas only lingered a little while longer before departing. Thranduil had slipped a piece of paper with his phone number neatly scribbled on it into Bard’s hand before winking at him and heading home. Now it was night, Bard had put the kids into bed, and he was staring at the paper on his bedside table.

“I don’t believe it.” Bard breathed. He had been asked on dates by a small handful of women back in Laketown years after his wife passed, but he had always rejected them. He never had the time between the shipyard and the kids and the house work and he never had the interest either – now he had both time and interest. He smiled to himself and ran his fingers back through his hair. He bit down on his lip excitedly as his mind started racing.

‘What would we do if I say yes? I’ve never been on a date with a man. I’ve only ever kissed one once and that was before I even really knew how to kiss…what I’ve forgotten how to kiss?! I haven’t kissed anyone in eleven years! And I haven’t had sex either…sex? Why am I even _thinking_ about sex? It’s _one_ date. Don’t get ahead of yourself…but what if something happens? I don’t know how to make love to a man! Do you discuss who is on the bottom and top before anything happens? How do you know where the sensitive parts are? I bet he just glows when he’s flushed and impassioned...no, no don’t think like that!’

Bard cut off the stirring in his groin before anything had come of it. It had been a while since he last attended to his needs, but with everything running through his head he didn’t even want to think about doing anything. He would feel too dirty if he had Thranduil on the brain while pleasuring himself. He heaved a sigh and dragged his fingers down his face.

“I’m in way over my head.” He laughed to himself. “I don’t know what I’m doing, and he’s so gorgeous…I’m going to make a fool of myself.”

His distress led him to Bilbo and Thorin’s bedroom door. He felt a bit strange coming to their personal quarters so late at night to ask questions about dating and being with a man, but he was driving himself nuts with the unanswered questions. He knocked shortly and heard a bit of mumbling inside. There was a pause before Bilbo in his silk pajamas, robe and slippers opened the door.

“Oh – hello there, Bard. Is everything alright?” he asked quirking a concerned eyebrow and Bard nodded.

“Everything is fine. I’m sorry to bother you so late, but I was wondering if you and Thorin may be able to offer me some advice on something.”

“Sure, sure. Come right in.”

Bard shuffled awkwardly into the dimly lit bedroom. Everything was orderly and delicate. Thorin raised his gaze from the book in his hand, marked his place and took off his glasses. He sat up and cleared his throat before speaking.

“Good evening.” He greeted and Bard gave a nod.

“Good evening.”

Bilbo nearly shoved him into a chair and Thorin moved to the end of the bed he shared with his husband to sit beside Bilbo. He wrapped his large fingers around Bilbo’s hand and began stroking it absently with his thumb.

“Bard wanted to know if we could supply him with some advice, love.” Bilbo said.

“Advice on what?” Thorin asked and they both looked at Bard. He felt like a kid preparing to ask his parents those awkward hanging questions about love and sex. He sighed and grinned awkwardly.

“Advice on dating men.” He said and Bilbo’s eyes swelled.

“A date? You’ve been asked out? Goodness, how exciting!”

“Yes…but I’ve never been on a date with a man before. I think you can see what I’m getting at.”

“Who is it?”

“Bilbo, respect the man’s privacy.” Thorin said and Bilbo pouted.

“If it’s someone I know I can be of more help to the poor man!”

“No, you’ll only be sending him out with a bunch of biases in his head. You’ve got to let him learn about whoever this man is himself.”

“Well, it’s Thranduil.” Bard said and Thorin’s eyes darted to him.

“Thranduil?!” he exclaimed and Bilbo wagged his finger.

“No biases, dear.” Thorin groaned.

“In this case I think we should make an exception.”

“Nope, nope, nope. No biases.”

“Is there something I should know?” Bard asked uneasily and Thorin and Bilbo exchanged looks.

“No.” Bilbo answered with a pleasant smile. “We won’t give anything away about Thranduil, except that he _loves_ roller disco.”

“Roller disco?” Bard and Thorin questioned in unison.

“I didn’t know Thranduil did roller disco.” Thorin commented.

“Well he doesn’t go often. He’s so busy, you know.” Bilbo said.

“What is it?” Bard asked .

“Only the most fun thing to do in all Hobbiton! You know what disco is right?” Bilbo said and Bard nodded. “Well its roller-skating and disco music! Isn’t that fun?” Bilbo rose went straight to his closet. He pulled out a colorful swirl patterned suit and waved it around proudly. “Thorin and I go when we have the time and it’s a blast! This is my favorite outfit for roller disco.”

“I need an outfit…like that?” Bard asked warily.

“Oh no. Thorin and I are pros, so we like to wear funky clothes. You can wear whatever you want, but you might take a few spills your first time.” Thorin just laughed and shook his head as Bilbo showed off some of his dance moves.

‘Boy that looks…interesting.’ He thought, but he didn’t want to offend Bilbo or Thorin.

“Besides that, we can give you general guidance for being with a man, right Thorin?” Bilbo said placing the suit back in his closet and sitting back on the edge of the bed close to his love. Thorin nodded simply.

“Sure. What exactly do you want to know, Bard?”

“Everything.” Bard replied.

“When you say everything…do you mean _everything_?”

“Everything. No matter how, um…explicit.”

Thorin and Bilbo obliged and left out no details whatsoever. Bard left the room with a flush in his cheeks almost two hours later with more information than he knew what to do with. They covered everything: the first date, flirting, the first kiss, etiquette, public affections and the thing Bard was most nervous about – sex. He was in no way planning to sleep with Thranduil on the first date, but he needed to know everything before he went diving into the world of men, or specifically the world of Thranduil. Other than the specifics, the Oakenshield couple assured him being with a man is just like any other romantic relationship and that being himself was the key to everything.

They ended the talk with the topic of work. Thorin said “If you should ever need or want it, there will always be a place for you at Erebor”. It was a generous offer, but Bard was persistent on going out into the city and scoping out other options first.

Ultimately, Bard decided he would call Thranduil tomorrow after his job search was through to tell him he would accept his invitation. He still wondered if there was something more about Thranduil himself that he should know that the Oakenshields weren’t exposing, but that was the least of his worries at the moment.

As he laid in his new comfortable bed and let his head sink into the pillows he tried to focus on the tasks that tomorrow would demand of him _other_ than calling Thranduil. His thoughts about the upcoming date persisted and kept him up for another hour before his body was finally too defeated to stay awake any longer. With his last conscious thought, he wished he would return to his dream utopia.


End file.
